So you’re ready to enter the sensual world of BDSM? Welcome to the play that centres around the Doms and the Subs, melding pain and pleasure together and lets you explore your deepest (and sometimes darkest) fantasies. But before you delve into it, you might be wondering how to get ready for your first BDSM experience.
BDSM isn’t something most people just dive into unprepared – there can be a bit of work required to ensure everything plays out smoothly.We’ve put together a few tips to help you prepare for your first experience so you can get the most out of your scene – although when you’re working with one of the BDSM practitioners listed on Crimson Class, you can be sure they’ll guide you through most of it too!
1. Communication is key
Once you’ve found a BSDM practitioner, the first step to any successful experience is to communicate.This is a great skill to learn as you’ll continue doing this throughout any experiences in future – it’s something widely encouraged, whether it’s your first or thousandth time. Discuss what you’re into and what you’re not, as well as any potential negative triggers you may have. Communicating all this before any cuffs and blindfolds are even insight is not only important to ensure you enjoy your experience, but it also keeps everyone involved protected and safe.
2. Negotiate the scene beforehand
If you’re new to the world of BDSM, you might not have heard of scene negotiation. It’s a common phrase in the kink world, and it’s especially important for beginners. Before you delve into play, you need to negotiate what’s going to happen during the scene to make sure both parties are comfortable and kinks you both enjoy are included.You don’t have to follow the scene exactly, however when starting out, in-scene negotiation (where you introduce something
not negotiated prior) is generally a bad idea, as it can cause problems and ruin the flow. BDSM is one area where improvisation is best left to the pros.
3. Set your safe words
You may have already heard about safe words, but if you haven’t, they are words set by a person who engages in kink play to slow down or stop what’s going on. Safe words play an important part in the kink world because there are scenes where ‘stop’ or ‘no’ might be part of the play (known as consensual non-consent), and they allow all parties (but especially subs) to retain control in any situation. Non-verbal safe words can also be used and real great for scenes where someone might be gagged or have restricted use of their arms or body.
Yellow and red are common safe words used, with yellow often signifying ‘slow down’ and red meaning ‘stop’. Another popular safe word is pineapple, as it has three syllables and has little chance of being mistaken for a grunt or moan. In terms of non-verbal safe words, a patterned ‘mmm-mmm-mmm’ noise is usually a great way to communicate pausing play – just ensure you’re both familiar with what the pattern is!
4. Clean and prepare the space
Whether a dungeon or your bedroom, it’s important to keep your play space clean – both for hygiene reasons and safety reasons.The last thing you want is to be tripping over during the scene, or have something accidentally set alight while playing with candles or fire. This goes for everything in the space too – always clean your toys before and after each use, no exceptions. Sex toys need to be properly cleaned and cared for, while impact tools can be wiped down with rubbing alcohol to keep them pristine.
5. Layout any items you want to use
There’s nothing more awkward than having to pause a scene for someone to run into another room and grab a play item! Think about what items you might need in advance and lay them all out in the room – if you’re working with a BDSM practitioner, discuss with them first if they can bring anything that might enhance your experience.As well as play items, laying out aftercare items, water, an emergency kit and scissors (to remove any bondage in a hurry if need be) is also a great way to prepare for your first BDSM experience.
6. Always leave time for aftercare
Aftercare is an incredibly important part of any BDSM experience. If you haven’t heard of it before, aftercare is essentially the time you take to be emotionally and physically there for each other afterwards. As many BSDM scenarios can be incredibly intense sexual experiences, your endorphins can be running high and once it’s over, you can experience a crash, also called a ‘sub-drop’ (although doms can experience it too). Aftercare helps to ensure everyone involved feels safe, cared for and 100% comfortable with what went down.
There are two main types of aftercare: physical and emotional. Physical might be removing blindfolds or restrains, getting your partner something to drink, or kissing parts of the body that were the focus during play. Emotional could be discussing what went down during the scene, both good and bad, so you can understand each other’s needs and expectations for next time.
Most importantly, have fun with it! Some nerves beforehand are totally normal, but if you properly communicate and prepare for the BDSM experience everyone involved should have a great time, and before you know it you’ll have graduated from a newbie to a pro.